barbies discovery

One late night in my doll-mansion, sitting on my QUEEN sized bed in deep thought of love. Many Kens and G.I Joes have tried to steal my heart, but it's more like they rented it. I needed something real. Well, I donned my my pink couset, sky blue, stoned skinny jeans and those pink Jimmy Choo flats, and finished it off with a pink bow in my curly auburn hair that reached my shoulders. With one last look in the mirror I left the dollhouse in my barbie dream convertable and set off to where ever the wind would take me. I went to the mall, so much for going with the wind, I come here enough. But that's what happens when you depend on things such as the wind. So anyway, I played along, walking into to the mall but I decided instead of taking the normal route, I'd visit some new stores. Taking this detour something in the window of JcPENNY'S. I did a double take. What was this? One slow step at a time i tried to get a closer look. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. I was so amazed that I actually paused and stared. What shape, what color, what....perfection. I've had these feelings before but not for something like this! I needed to touch it, get closer, make it mine, I always get what I want. So that's what I decided thats what I was going to do, not caring the cost. I pulled myself together and made my move. I touched her hand said, " I want to steal your heart."

end of semester

well the end of the semester is coming soon and as happy as i am i am just as sad. It was tons of fun being in class with all these wonderful people. I learned alot about college and how this whole adult in school thing is. Though i was told that in college you are just a number to your professors, i feel that i have had wonderful teacher who were understanding to my D.Y.F.S problems as well as the transportation issures i had going on. This is a memorable experienece for me and i can not wait until next semerster to see these people again. I am excited for the summer but I'm even more excited about me second semester. ENJOY and look for my new blod coming soon and inspired by my life as told by me.

Purpose of It's Whatever

You may wonder what “It’s Whatever” is all about. Well it is about my every day, including my crazy past. It also includes my brilliant advice that I have from experiences. Sometimes it is interesting to see the world through the eyes of someone else, someone completely different. It has not been easy for me to get into school and stay there with all the obstacles in my way and I was diagnosed with ADHD so the fact that we were supposed to stay on one topic was completely impossible for me as you can see. There is always so much going on in my mind and I have so much fun in it (my own head) it amazes even me. My mom always said I was someone special because I am so aware of what others are not. But then again your mother has to tell you your special right? Anyway, I love life and I enjoy living it. My daughter has completely changed my way of thinking and even though I was not ready for a baby (who is?) I love the knowledge she has given me. I also gained a lot from my relationship with her father but the bad thing is I learned everything the hard way. So what this boils down to is, I’m trying my best with the cards I was dealt and I’m loving the gamble life brings because if life gives you lemons, write a blog to and let others suck lemons too.

RULES OF LIFE

HEY... you want to know the best ways to get through life? Follow these rules:

REALTIONSHIP:
1. Never start a friendship/ relationship with a lie. You never know how far you are going to get with this person. You might even fall in love and one day the truth will come out.
2. Never get to clingy. In the first few months,THAT MEANS YOU TOO LADIES, DO NOT ASK TO MANY QUESTIONS! For example, " Who was that?", "Where you going tonight?"," Do you love me?", "What do you want this to be?", and "what do you look for in a partner?" The reason for this rule is the wrong questions can mess up everything. If your not serious yet it is none of your business.
3. Keep yourself unavilable. Spend time with him, YEAH, but DO NOT and I repeat DO NOT make yourself avilable for him/her whenever he/she wants.
4. Do nopt over do it. If you really like this person show them the real you cause if you act like someone your not you never know if they will like the real you and you might end up cating for most of the relationship.
HOUSE HOLDS:
1. Listen to your parents NO MATTER WHAT! Yes they may be wrong sometimes or they may bug you to do something but look what they have done for you. Raised you, keep you clothed, sheltered and safe from harm. The least you can do is listen to them because it is not easy raising a child.
2. Cleanliness is next to Godliness. If you practice keeping your parents house clean it is almost 100% that you will bring those habits to your own home one day.
3. TRY not to fight with siblings. I know it is hard but they are the closest friends you will ever have.
SCHOOL:
1. Go! Yes things may stop you, BRING A NOTE. But to just not come to school just because you do not feel like it is just stupid. This is your fututre and to give it a few hours out of the day is not much to ask.
2. Do Homework. It is the best way to study, especially Math. Practice does make perfect. For every 1 hour in class spend 2 hopurs at home studying. It pays off.
3. Avoid Drama. There's no point of it. It can only lead to bad things.

So try my method and see if your life improves
Results may vary.

TO BE CONTINUED

I kno i was supposed to finish that other blog but i get mad at every thought so i think the safee thing to do id to end it there....

DRAMA( can you follow?)

See I went to High School South my freshmen year. I met this boy named jr, or thats what he told me. We started dating, he was new to the area but all the same he wanted to be my BF. SO i gave it a shot. It was my first real relationship. We ended up falling in love (he is the father of my one and a half year old. Well things were great until july of 06. He "cheated" for the first time by going to a club in brick and kissing this girl. Now i wouldnt have found out about it if i didnt go to that same club exactly one week later and heard some girls talkin about this boy named J.R that kissed ebony. So i thought about it for a second and im a smart girl so it didnt take me more than a seconfd to realize they were talkin about my bf. So asked the girls talkin about it, what he looked like and who he was with and low and behold it was indeed him. Funny that he shows up at the club that night and i confonted him. As you can obviously tell nothing happened we got back together. Slowly I kept finding out about girl after girl. But i didnt leave i loved him. HA what i joke. I was so stupid. There was lisa, who he talked to right in front of my face. I KNEW ABOUT HER, BUT LIKE A DUMMY I PUT UP WITH IT. Then there was Katrina, who i had a feeling about because one day his best friend took me him and his little sister to T.R and dropped me off and told me i could go to Angie's ( who by the way was my "friend"?) So i couldnt understand why. I found out Katrina was the only one over there who i didnt know. Thats when my intution kicked in. About a week later i see her myspace and it says " happily taken by edgar." Yea!!!! my edgar......

to be continued

Start your OWN trend

Name brand Shame brand....not everything has to have a popular label on it. I have great style, if i do say so myself, and I don't even think 1/4 of my clothes are name brand. I like to shop at Dots, Joice Leslie, Rainbow, 579, DEBS, and Target. Now if you want to try out a Prep look the best place to go is Dots. Looking for that foreign/ Vintige look, Joice is your girl :) And if you want to go with the "I have my own style, you won't find this on a maniquin" look, then I suggest Target. No one wants to blend in and look like everyone else but there is really nothing that you can wear today that someone else hasn't already worn, so the best advice I can give is make is your very own. Don't think about what people will think becasue at the end of the day your the one wearing it so it doesn't matter what others think. If your confident you can pull anyhting off. When I put together an outfit, i often look for a color that is in there but not very noticealbe, and i bring it out. My accessories (socks, shoes, jewelery, hair bands or belt) will bring out that color the best. It's gotten to the point where someone will say," That outfit is crazy, only you can pull something like that off" Some may even say that doesn't match and my reply is simply, " why doesn't it?" Cause if they're lookiing that close to your attire, you've accomplaished your mission.

A sneak peek at my book

Sorry i couldn't get back to you it's been rough, lets continue.....

I can make your man want to marry you. Even if he's messing up real bacd right now. If you want him to start acting right I have the serect.....Ladies get your notepads out....

See once upon a time I was treated bad by my man. I was the faithful, I'll do anything for you, I know you cheated but let's work it out, kinda girl and he took advantage of me and cheated since 8 months into our realtionship till just last year in March '09. Well I'll tell you what I did, I left. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do but I did it. Not only did I leave I went to Atlantic City, New Jersey, to the Covenant House.( youth homeless shelter) See I sat on this situation for a long time. I had a baby with this man no less and she was 1 day shy of 5 months old when I left. I had given him everything I could give him and still it wasn't enough.

When I made it to the city I didn't know what to do, I was so scared of loosing him but I had to do what was right for me and my baby. As soon as everyone who lived there started to show up I was the talk of the "house". Of course the guys were like wolves but so were the girls. They seemed to have never met anyone like me and I realized, Hey, well damn, what the hell am I crying over this guy? I must be some hot stuff. Soon I had people walking up to me saying " you muct be asiah." I was taking care of my daughter, getting my life together, and I was said to be the hottest thing walking the A.C steets.

It made me forget about him. We were miles away, all the attention was on me and I could what ever I wanted cause he wan't around. I know you knew it was coming, I found a new love and my baby's father hated her and she hated him....haha. Never the less he saw what he was missing. I stopped taking his calls, dissing him, avoiding him, acting like I didn't care. It killed him to see I didn't give a crap about what he said did or wanted.

Results may vary.
Side effects include: Stalking, Major or minor guilt, Violence, distruction of property, vurbal abuse and broken heart.

How to get your boyfriend to act right

STEP ONE: Figure out where he stands with you

To learn more see next blog post!!!!!

The little car

A few days ago, my sister and I were in the car with our boyfriends (SWEETZ and ROCK) and our kids(Shay and Kiy). Brittney's (in earlier blogs) baby's father (1st luv in earlier blogs) popped her tire because she moved on and he's mad. Following the advice I gave her he became crazed with love for her. So as we were going to get her tire fixed, we were following the directions her boyfriend was giving which lead us straight into a check point with police. We had no car seats with two babies in the car. When we past the officer he yelled "WOAH" We had to pull over and talk to them. The cop that walked to thw car was a real meanie head. He was rude and obnoxious. He began to harrass my sisters' boyfriend, who has a bad temper, was asked to get out the car due to his attitude. At the end of this terrifying event we were just let off with a ticket and a warning.

MIRROR

I saw the strangest thing the other day. Well I can't exactly say strange because it looked so familiar. It was a person, a person whi looked just like me. I didn't know what to do when I started staring. i couldn't figure out if it was because she was so beautiful or because I was so freakedout by the resemblence. I didn't know what to do. So I stared. She looked back at me and smile. Damn I'm beautiful :)I was happy to see what I looked like to other people and I see why I ger the treratment I do. Anyway, I started to walk up to her and take a closer look but only because I wanted to see if my eyes were playing tricks on me. But then I came to a stop. I'm a nice person, there is no way this GIRL can be too. It's enough that she looks like me. So i left it alone. I wonder what she went back to her friends and said....

It hurts

I couldn't have given you more

I tried to love you like you " loved" me

maybe for wrong reasons

Maybe

At first it was beautiful

every girl has a fairytale

and then you wake up to see

it's not all it's cracked up to be

It turned into screaming days

and solo nights

it just wasn't right

I really didn't want to see you

was happy when you were leaving

I liked to how it felt when I was by myself

and that's the way it's going to be

so please

don't beg and plead

just let it be

jus let it be

I got to go

I got to leave

so please don't make it hard for me

I gave enough

I'm tired of love

I got to let it go

I got to go

I got to leave
so please don't make it hard for me.
I gave enough

I'm tired of love
I got to let it go

Couldn't have given you more

I gave you everything there wasn't

anything that you were denied

but you should never give it all cause

sometimes there's nothing left

but bitterness and regret

and it just ain't worth it

Cause then there's this sudden change

out of no where ,it seems

Never knew i could be so mean

but that's just how far you pushed me

You say it just isn't fair

and you didn't know

You need to take responsibility for your own

cause your grown

And you know

Now I take the blame

for trying to stay and work it out

Should have left before it got complicated

Should have left when there was still some happiness

Yes I take the blame

for having faith in the relationship

I thought it made me complete

but the truth is

I’m complete without it

Tweekin in A.C

I went to Atlantic City this weekend. I used to live there and alot of my friends have been begging me to come back and visit caus eI'm awesome. Anywho I spent the night there at this hotel that we had a party in, I had a blast by the way, and woke up early the next day cause I was supposed to go home. The main person I went to the city to see had to work the day I got there so when I left to go home I stopped to see him. His name is EYEZ because he is a black boy with green eyes. When I finally saw him I ran up to him to give him a hug and kiss. Everyone thinks we mess around cause i sit on his lap and things like that but it's nothing like that. he took me to his friends house to hang out and that's when I saw him. This white boy with sky blue eyes and a sexy face. Tweek. I knew I had to have him when I laid my eyes on him and I knew by the way he looked at me he wanted me to. After hanging out with them ( I'm almost always the only girl) I had to leave to catch my bus home. When EYEZ and I left the first thing I said was, " I want your friend" and he answered, " I know" :) He knows me to well.

The hyperbole hangover

I am not a drinker...not at all and now i truely know why. I did some soul searching, I hate the sick feeling you have in the morning. The piercing headaches, unsteady stomache, and constant dizziness. The worst of it is I had class today, I had to go back in time for history all messed up in the head. I feel like crap and it's raining cats and dogs!!! Why do people do this to themselves? Kill themselves? Self inflict this tourture? I can never, I WILL NEVER do this to myself again. When I woke up my head was split in half. I had to use super, crazy, out of this world, glue to put it back together. I was so tired I couldn't see through the ocean blurring my vision. But when I looked in the mirror it wasnt had to spot to L.V baggadge under my eyes. I will Never drink again......

Going to see my FATHER

Im never going to live through this... That's exactly what I told myself as I stood there, staring at my fathers totaled car at 4 a.m. What do to? What to say? I would have to lie! Man why did I constantly do this to myself? I always get myself into something and I want to kick myself in the ass later for doing it. Stupid Asiah, stupis stupid Asiah!!!! Thats when it happened, Beyonce's "DADDY" began to play on my phone. It was him. My hand viciously trembled as I reached for the dreaded phone. I had no time for words "Asiah Korin Kearney!!!" Oh yeah, he was mad. "DAD?" I tried to keep my voice steady. I'm my fathers' child, he knows me very well. "What the hell did you do to my car Korin?" He said through his teeth. He knew something bad had happened. "Well dad," I began, " I was on my way back from a party and a pole suddenly used its gravitational pull to drag the car toward it and the car crashed." It was the best I could do with the little bit of tmie I had. " Gravitational pull huh?" He said sounding quite amused my my story and lack of realistic facts. "Yes dad I swear to grod" I tried to slip that one by him.
"O really,cause last time I checked His name was God." No matter what I called Him, it didn't matter I would see Him soon enough.

Valentines Day

My Valentimes Day was quite an experience. I spent the night at ROCKS house. When I walked in he gave me a hug and a kiss and handed me some flowers. Next he gave two boxes of chocolate and walked away before I got the chance to give him my gift that I MADE for him. (homemade is always special) Then he walked back in the roon with a box thats read "GUCCI". Jewelery is the first thing that came to mind but when I opened it, it was a change purse. A very small change purse and i loved it. But the rest of the day I was alone. All alone in HIS house cause he said he would spend time with me later. EVERY year he does this to me I don't know why I expected different this one. Well when he got back home I left. I figured I'd spend the rest of the day with someone who wanted to be with me but he wouldn't let me leave so we fought. Same as every valentines day. I can't wait to spend it with someone who loves me for real.

Ketchup (da trouble im n!)

hay cince it sknowed i wanted tu ketchup. well i fownd owt i luv sumoun. (very furst blog) SWEETS iz hiz name. well da case iz dat i cant hav hym n it killz mi. if onlee if onlee like romeo and juliet. nd wear iz mah fair romeo? jus arownd da corna butt paynfully out of reatch. wen icey him i want so bad to grab at'um n let da kidd no i deserve him n he deserves me. to make madders wurs hiz past consists of peaces of m-eye own. hiz onlee luv iz my 10 year bes frend (NEEK) n hiz right hand iz ROCK(furst blog) now mi sister brittney (secund blog) iz finally leavin her "1st luv" ,den axed mi tu b "matchmaker" so i obliged. i wood hook her up wit SWEETZ. evury button i hyt tu dial hiz numba mayd m-eye fingaz bern. da words wuren't going tu cum owt rite n i new it, so i ended da kall. "texin wood b betta" i desided tu m-eyesef. i even cent a pikture. i guess u can say i want him n m-eye lyfe so i did dat, butt i didn't realize dat until jus now....well da twisted conclusion to m-eye str8 off da MAURY SHOW story is a feu months bak NEEK left SWEETZ for her now boifrend (BOWE). BOWE & SWEETZ grew up togetha. now ROCK iz afraid tu trust SWEETZ n SWEETZ won't du dat to ROCK cuz he nose wut it feelz lyke. DA TROUBLE IM N!!!

SNOW DAY

I can't beileve I was woken up at the ass crack of dawn, before that sun, no not really before the sun but it was extremely early. My mom has OCD but she hasn't been diagnosed yet. There can be no other explaination for the madness... I was to get up straight out of my sleep,crust still in my eyes, breath still humming, to shovel my driveway with my annoying, Twilight/ Boy obsessed 13 years young sister, on this EARLY Thursday morning. I can't think of a better way to start my day than that. I still had my eye mask on and that lump that came along with it because of last night.( I had to go to the bathroom and it was dark, about 3 or 4 a.m. I felt my way to the door, opened it, and BAM!!! Straight into the door post. I tried to feel the damage on my forehead and thats when I realized why it was so damn dark. I still had the mask on.) I got up and walked downstairs with my mom still nagging. I had a horrible headache and it was frezzing on the first floor of my house, and my mom kept going. I slipped my boots on, donned my coat and gloves and headed out the door only to realize.... I was in boxers.

Night in the library

Very long ago, my grandmother on my fathers side was a cleaner for the Lakewood library. She would work at about 8 or 9 at night. One night she had to bring my sisters and I with her because she had no one to watch us. When we got there one of my genius sisters opened the door and the alarm went off. Finally my grandmother got it to turn off and we entered the library excited to be there after hours. Ashley, the oldest, was trying to "hack" into the computer along with the third oldest, Brittney. While they were on the computers, Valerie, the second oldest, was walking around aimlessly and I, the youngest of this "group" was looking at the Animorphs books which were close to the window (an important detail). During my deep concentration into this series of books I hear a voice that doesn't sound like any of my sisters. (Maybe because it was a mans voice) I look over and I saw a police officer on his radio."I have three young females in the public library after closing", they must not have seen Valerie. All I could say was "OH MY GOD, it's the COPS!!!" After I got out of my state of shock. We had absolutly no reason to run or hide but we did. We were crawling, ducking, rolling, trying to find somewhere to hide. We suddenly found ourselves in an office hiding under the desks. Valerie kept saying not to touch anyhting because we were going to go to court and if they dusted for fingerprints we would go to jail for sure. Ashley and brittney werer being very serious and mature, meanwhile Valerie was crying histericly. She said " If grandma goes to jail who's going to take care of us? Your father can't do it (we had different father's but we were raised together) he ain't got no job!" Now that made me laugh and laugh. I laughed so hard a started to cry but I kept laughing so Ashley and Brittney started to get mad and yelled at me. At last we decided to look for grandma. We found her and explained to her what happened and what we saw, she went to the police, who were at that very moment trying to gain access into the library, and explained to them that she worked there and we were juist there with her. They said they came over because thay heard the alarm go off and wanted to check it out. We all looked at Brittney and pretty much said, " Way to go."

ONE OF MANY CRAZY DAYZ

I guess I'll start by telling you my name, Asiah the beautiful! Todays blog is about my crazy day yeaterday, January 28th 2009. It all started with me waking up early in the morning(on a day I don't have school) to my mom yelling to me to vacuum the entire house and to clean my little sisters room. This was around 7 a.m. When she finally left for work (she's an elementary school teacher) I thought I was going to be able to go back to sleep, then I heard my phone ringing and I couldn't tell if it was just a dream so I struggled to open my eyes only to see it was reality and my stepfather calling. When I answered he told me to go ALLL the way downstairs to make sure my mom didn't forget to turn off the water which was boiling on the stove, as if waking me up to tell me to clean wasn't enough. So I did as I was told but only because it was my home at stake and indeed the water was still boiling. The house was freezing so I ran up stairs as fast as I could and tried to go back to sleep but it just didn't work so i was up for the day, at 8 a.m, on a day that i didn't have school. A few hours past, my chores were done and it occured to me... OMG I have a paper to write. Thats when I told me brother to drop me off at my beloved O.C.C so I can get a head start on this paper, on a day that I don't have school and I should be recouperating from my lack of sleep.

When I got to the school I went to the library and totally forgot about that paper and created this blog but the computer cut off on me so I gave up and went to the Student Center. There I saw some friends and became preoccupied with them and their antics. 3:30 rolled aound quickly and I was off, back to my house. When I got there I started to miss my daughter even more because I had nothing to take my mind off of her so I decided that no matter what I was going to see her. I started walking. I have more legs than a bucket of chicken which helped me on my long journey to Lakewood, yes I walked to Lakewood. I started out at 4:20 and didn't get there to about 6. The whole way there all I could think about was seeing my baby and relaxing before I headed back home for school (today). I didn't call my baby'sfather(Rock) because I figured he would be home on a day like yeaterday, esspecially with our daughter, besides I broke, no destroyed his phone in our last arguement so in order to contact him I would have had to call his sister's phone.

I got close to Lskewood this mexican picked me up and gave me a ride to the bus station on Lexington and First street. On the way he was trying to talk to me but I didn't really understand him so I tried speaking broken English (and Spanish) but my Spanish sucks, my father would be disappointed being he's half Puerto Rican. I finally get to the bus station and head straight to the bathroom. When I walk out this older Jewish man follows me outside, he had to be about 50 or 60 years old, and asks me if i would take his number and call him sometime to hang out. As politly as I could manage after my horrible adventure there I declined his invitation. Only to be follow and stop a few yards away by another Jewish man, this one noticably younger, who also wanted my company. I dismissed this guy with less patience than I had with the older gentleman.

I went to the covenience store down the street from my destination to pick up a few things for Jashaylah( Ja-Shay-la), my daughter and headed to the house a few minutes down the road. When I got there the door was locked so I rang to door bell but no one answeres, SO i stuck my hand in the window(breaking and entering) and unlocked the door to the porch but the main door was locked so i left the things i bought on the porch and headed out to find them because I thought they couldn't be far without a car and my baby in the cold like this and they usually go two or three places when he has her. The first place I looked was at his best friends house. When he opened the door and saw me he looked upset, he said I don't know where he is. I asked him if he had an idea cause no one was at the house, he put on his coat and walked with me to find them since it was late and he didn't want me walking alone.(He;s also buying me pepper spray:)) We went the one place they weren't there so we walked to his sisters and they weren't there but Shim (my babyfather's twin sister) left with us and we went to Sweet's house(my babyfather's best friend). My phone died(a whole other novel...) so when I got to his house I tried to call him to see where he was but my calls must not have gone thru. Finally when I talked to him he was mad that I was with his friend and came to the conclusion I was messing around with his friend. I was hurt and mad it's okay,I'll get over it.